It's been a rough week emotionally. I am torn. Half of me feels numb and the other half of me continually breaks.
Nothing of this divorce feels good, or right. I got an email from my PA lawyer today; I have to appear in court with him on August 10. It's a Thursday. I don't have vacation time to use from work until September 13. So now I have to pay money to drive to PA and take a day off work, just to face him. Meanwhile, he will take off on Thursday and Friday and get paid, spend 4 days together.... *sigh* I need my brain to be wiped clean. I want to forget him. I keep trying to move my life ahead and it's like every time I start getting where I think I should be; I get pulled back down into his mess. Between rude emails, waste of time phone calls, and now this legal mess.
And I don't even know WHY he wants this divorce. That's the part that really angers and frustrates me. He hasn't given me a real answer, a straight answer. It's all just stupid. Insane. Crazy.
I know I should focus on the positive things happening in my life; and maybe I will tomorrow. But tonight, I go back to missing him, the good times, the way he'd say my name, the feeling of his fingers running through my hair as I'd drift off to sleep. I hate that it still hurts this much. I miss our life together.
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