I don't know how to start this entry, my mind is swirling around and around and I can feel myself "stewing" in anger and I really don't want that.
I met with my Pastor and his wife this morning, that went well.
I stopped at the post office to get a money order for my VA background check; the door was locked even though the hours were posted as them being open... and so began my frustration.
I went to the house afterwards and sorted through some of my clothes (keep vs donate), the books (keep, his, try and sell) and the DVDs (mine or his). I took a little break to check email and the bank accounts (I check them daily or multiple times a day as he spends money from the joint accounts at all sorts of random times). That's when I saw the nearly $200 pending transaction at Amazon. What is he buying NOW? He spent $230 yesterday at the BX (Turns out he bought a weed-eater, new shoes, and some sort of electronic thingy). So I logged into Amazon.... he bought something for himself (which we had discussed purchasing at Christmas-time, so it's "ok" that he bought it now) and he bought something to *ahem* enhance their private time together *ahem*. for $89. The anger and frustration and ANGER took over and I clicked "cancel order" knowing it would send him an email immediately, and I didn't care. The order couldn't be cancelled; so I printed out the order so I can prove he's spending joint funds on HER.
And then his assault of emails began... "where are you?" "What are you doing?" "You need to answer me". Then he called me 5 times from his work number but didn't leave any voicemail. I emailed him and said "You called me 5 times but didn't leave a message, do you need something?" He replied a bit later saying "I need you to call and talk to me" I wanted to reply "You need to stop sleeping with another woman while you're married to me." But instead I wrote "What is there to talk about? I have nothing to say to you" So now it's been 3 hours and he's replied with 3 additional emails of him spewing anger at me.... I KNOW I was in the wrong; but where does he get off NOT seeing what he's doing is wrong? How come he just keeps pointing the finger at me? "You need to talk to me like an adult." "I need answers from you" "You need to answer the phone RIGHT NOW" Who is this person who talks to me like this? My husband would never say such things to me. I think he's a narcissist (at least has narcissistic tendencies) my pastor thinks he's acting childish and having the worst temper tantrum. In either case, I won't take it.
I put a filter on his personal and work email accounts, any email from him will go directly to his folder and my phone will not notify me when he has emailed me. And I can check his email when I want, if I want. If he really needs to talk to me, he can call me. He does have a working cell phone.
While there I disconnected the land line telephones (they were mine before we got married) and then the printer. This is a grey area.. We bought the printer together about 2 years ago (maybe September or October 2015). We bought it because MY printer (which was mine before we got married) broke in the move from Japan to D.C.) So does that make it "my" printer? Maybe I shouldn't have taken it. But he only uses it to print out pictures of owls to then trace and color them for her, and claim them as original artwork. *ugh*
I left the house at 2:40 to go to a doctor's appointment, turns out the appointment is tomorrow. So I went back to the house and made myself a frozen pizza and watched some tv. I had a dentist appointment at 5. So I left around 4. I drove in traffic (as there's always traffic here) only to find out that my appointment is tomorrow as well.
And I know I need to start looking at the positive things I accomplished today (got the money order, sorted through some things that were tedious and I wasn't looking forward to doing) but I had a mental list of things to do tomorrow, which I can't do now because I have to go back to the doctor and dentist.
I'm just frustrated and needed to vent.
No comments:
Post a Comment